Brought Forward

On this page you will find entries from a previous Blog, Facebook Page and more.

Autumn 2007 - Today began the same as most of my days have begun since spring of 2004. That's when I accepted the realization I would not be going back to work outside the home. Since then I have struggled to get out of my wonderfully comfortable bed and start my day.  Blindly I stubble to the bathroom, splash water on my face and brush my teeth.

It's hard to imagine that its been about nine years since I retired from the Navy. 

On my way to the kitchen, I open window blinds to let the morning light in. I need the light. My morning routine continues as I prepare the coffee pot and take our medications from the cabinet. Breakfast is prepared for Gordo, Jenna’s cat. 

Once my wife is out the door for work, Gordo and I sit by the water garden as the fish shyly eat their food.

Jenna passed away this past March. She was only twenty-three.

Aug 21, 2008 - As I watch our Family Tree grow, I am filled with many emotions that nearly overwhelm me. It seems unfair that I have lived more than half my life not knowing so many wonderful people. Many of you are blood relations with similar character traits and appearances. The passing of time has stolen countless un-shared moments and memories from us. I hope that we are blessed with enough remaining years to share many more happy moments and make new memories that will be carved in the trees of our future generations. 

Maternal Relatives - Paterno

Nov 27, 2009 - Love is a very powerful force that is not to be taken lightly. Love does not plan its next move or carefully choose victims or advocates. Love simply waits right there in the open until discovered by passers-by. There are also other emotions, feelings and attitudes waiting in close proximity to Love. Sometimes it is easy to mistakenly grab hold of an imposter. If this happens, Love is left standing all alone watching as you struggle to hold on. Let your Heart be your guide not your mind. The mind can deceive you; the body and its strange and wonderful reactions can confuse you. But... the Heart will never lie and will never betray you.

Dec 2009 - Consider a society or culture where everyone is equally responsible one for the other. No one is hungry, everyone shares. No one is without shelter. Every able body helps build adequate shelter for those that cannot. No one suffers from an illness without proper treatment. The local doctor treats first and never worries about payment. There is no need for multiple political representations. The laws, by, for and of the people are never misinterpreted nor do they become diluted by the wealth of a few. Crimes against a brother or sister are rare. Love and compassion are the cornerstone of a person’s values. Depression, sadness and hopelessness are not in the vocabulary. The prospect of viewing another sunrise upholds enthusiasm, joy and the knowledge of many new possibilities.

You may take joy in this: There are such societies yet in existence. Sheltered from the wolves of prosperity, they flourish, in secluded wonderfully beautiful places on the earth.

I beg of you! Do not seek them out for any reason. They need not the poison of capitalism, the confusion of politics or religion. Let them live in their ignorant bliss, free from the overwhelming cancers inflicted by the capitalistic world beyond the sunset. 

Dec 15, 2009 - John’s Perspective

I beg your indulgence as you follow along with my passionate statements, innuendos and conjectures, in this no holds barred bit of philosophy – perspective.

Life experiences teach us many lessons, many of which may come with steep prices. Life (used as a noun) takes every opportunity to teach us useful and rewarding lessons. The longer we walk among the living, the more we should glean from our experiences. Sometimes, Life must use drastic measures and slap us down on more than one occasion to get a lesson to sink in. Why is this? Are we so hardheaded or just plain ignorant? There have been times in my own walk that I have shielded my eyes from the truth. I was guilty of not adhering to my own principals, or those of the moral majority. I was careful however, not to break the laws of man. I would merely bend or ignore them to meet my own selfish needs. In no way am I attempting to validate my own ignorant actions. I am deeply regretful of any harm my past actions may have caused others.

As upright and moral Human Beings, we are entrusted with the responsibility of sharing our knowledge with those who come behind us. More specifically, we are tasked with providing directions to our children. The shocking truth I have become more and more aware of is this: 

"The once-up-on-a-time traditional, moral values of the by-gone years have become by-gone values.”

When this phenomenon began to take root is difficult to discern. Some would place the blame on the ever-changing power of media and the content there-in. Others might say the fault lies with our government and our religious leaders; however, separate they may be. Many would condemn war and conflicts among the world’s nations. Proclaiming; “Violence breeds violence.” But, what of values, where have they gone? Is there a lack of values in the world today? No! Values are today as big a part of a person’s conscious decisions as they always have been. In today’s world however, values – ideals – principles – standards and ethics have taken on new and different meanings. Although the previously mentioned words are synonyms of the other, they are misused and misunderstood. We no longer use these words to describe a person’s or a nation’s character. We have become accustomed to stating or asking; “They have absolutely no moral values.” “What kind of values do they have?” “Do they have any values at all?” It may surprise you to know that; yes, they have values. The questionable values have been adapted to fit a specific situation or period in the Life of this person or nation. We know that there are many factors that affect one’s ultimate concept of values. Just a few of these are: culture, religion, education, and race. What we may not know or understand is this concept of ‘Situational Values’.

Consider this situation: You exit the bank after being denied a loan. You have three hungry children at home, and one is very sick. Medical bills have broken the bank, and you just lost your job. Standing next to a trash bin, you consider your options. Then, you see it. A wallet is lying on the ground. As you pick it up, you notice the corners of three one-hundred-dollar bills. What would you do???

Now... Consider this situation: You exit the bank after being denied a loan. You have three hungry children at home, and one is very sick. Medical bills have broken the bank, and you just lost your job. Standing next to a trash bin, you consider your options. Then, you see it. A wallet is lying on the ground. As you pick it up, you notice the corners of three one-hundred-dollar bills. As you slide the bills from the wallet, a business card comes with them. The card belongs to the mother of your very best friend: What would you do???

Situational Values – Attitude, needs, and information may play significant roles in life's many decisions. If you believe yourself to be of ‘High Moral Standards,’ let nothing nor anyone influence you to make a decision that will lead to you having – Situational Values.

2010 - Teenagers, in general seem to be more defiant and rebellious in today’s society than ever before. I find that there are many who dwell outside the house of common courtesy and decency. I do however doubt these same teens behave the same in their home and interact with parents and grandparents in similar manners as they do in public. These comments are my own and I will attempt to express my opinion without speaking for anyone. I take full ownership and responsibility for what follows.

I have experienced and witnessed such behaviors firsthand on several occasions. The most recent incident occurred just this morning, as High School Students in my neighborhood made their way to the school bus stop on a nearby corner. This incident is not the first of its kind nor will it be the last.

First, allow me to describe the street I live on and nearly all the similar streets in this community. The street is narrow but is the standard for two-way traffic. There are sidewalks on either side that are usually walk-able from end to end, as it is one of the association rules to not block the sidewalks. This particular street is a kind of throughway for families that reside in the community as well as the gated community to the west end of the street. This street is short as it spans only two blocks with about ten homes on either side. There are two speedbumps, low and rounded, not steep and sharp. As you can imagine, they do nothing to keep traffic at the required 25mph.

This morning, just before 7:00 AM the constant beep-beep sound of a vehicle in reverse prompted me to take a look. I will admit I am sort of the watchdog for our street. My neighbor directly across from me was preparing to leave for work. He had his car in the street, which is appropriate as it was after 6:00 AM. What I observed is typical behavior, as I mentioned above, for many of the Teens in this community. A large minibus contracted to provide transportation for special needs children was directly in front of my home. The driver was attempting to maneuver around a Teenager walking in the middle of the street. As my neighbors’ car was on the right side of the street, this left more than enough room for the minibus. However, there was an obstacle, the Teen who had no intention of moving. Another vehicle was approaching from the opposite end of the street with no plans for slowing down for the speed bump. The mini-bus driver was forced to back out of the way of the approaching vehicle as he/she was blocking the left side of the street. The Teen, still standing in the middle of the street, proceeded on his way to the corner bus stop. The minibus was again forced to go around him as other vehicles waited impatiently behind. The school bus was at the corner, just to my left and front. A white sedan that had been behind the minibus stopped and picked up the Teen. As he entered the vehicle he remarked; “That (blank) almost hit me!” The white sedan sped toward the corner, vaulting the speed bump stopping at the corner. Several other teenagers exited the sedan including the one who had inspired this blog. The driver of the white sedan put his car in reverse and proceeded to travel back in the direction he had come. He drove past two homes to my left before backing into a driveway to make a 180. He then continued on his way to the end of the street and the waiting stop sign.

After shaking my head at the scene that had just unfolded before me, I stood at my front entry trying to enjoy the morning fresh air. Turning to go back into my home, I considered what I had just witnessed while suppressing the mounting emotions and negative thoughts inside me.

Jan 08, 2013 

Coffee is made, medications are taken, and then I relax in one of two places. Depending upon the weather, I will either sit outside on the back patio area or inside facing the large open patio doors. In both places I have a clear but slightly different view of the backyard and the surrounding area. I do however prefer being outside, as I very much enjoy watching the waterfowl in the lake and listening to them as they go about their morning rituals. 

I too have a morning ritual, this set of habits and so-called routine. My six-year-old Chihuahua, Mr. Coco, is always in my lap as we both sit in silence, I in deep thought. Although my thoughts usually differ, recently my direction of thought has been driven by nightly dreams. Disturbing and confusing dreams which leave me with perplexing feelings. Most times I cannot recall the dream or parts there-in. People or persons are faceless, and environments are obscure. I, myself 'am unrecognizable.  

I am left with indiscernible feelings and unsettling notions. Unable to distinguish between reality and imagined, I ponder an interpretation.

My mood of the day, sensitivity, and behavior is often influenced by my attempt to analysis the feelings and thoughts that consume me.

Today 11/26/2013, I am more depressed than usual. I am easily agitated and short with my wife. I have familiar physiological symptoms and overpowering emotions, emotions of self-disgust, frustration and anger. I am angry that I feel self-pity and that old woo-is-me syndrome. I have the urge/need to cry but no tears will come; my anger is stronger than the sadness I feel. A lack of un-worthiness has crept in again as it has so many times before. Thoughts of self-destructive behavior are fleeting, although reoccurring. For the second time in the past few days, I have considered taking medication in order to sleep away the hours and days. I am resisting this action today. I have been mentally planning an escape from the impending family gathering during the Holiday Season. I surmise that by distancing myself from family and friends, I will be free from these feelings. The putting on of a happy face is so tiresome. It is much easier to be as I am; un-happy. Social and spiritual interaction with others helps to counter much of the negativity. But, trying to show genuine interest and attentiveness is weakened but intrusive thoughts.    

Break-

My thoughts became unorganized, and I could not continue with this writing. I took a short break during which time I sat in my comfortable chair, my little Chihuahua, Coco in my lap. He is and has been a source of comfort and helps me to refocus. He seems to sense my need for solitude and relaxation, as he snuggles in my lap demanding calmness.

Dec 02, 2013 - Several days have passed since I made a rash decision. In a moment of personal distress, I un-friended all my non-relative friends on my Facebook account. The next day, I assigned my Baby Sister as the admin’ of the Prater Family page and assigned my Cousin Joy as the admin’ of the Paterno Family page. I then deactivated my Facebook account. The next day I deleted it. Today, I regret the rash and selfish decision I have made. At the time of my actions, I did not consider the impact it may have on others. I only thought of myself and my reasons for doing so.    

One of the symptoms of my mental disorder is to avoid conflict of any kind. Anything that may cause conflict or disrupts the calm and simple life that I strive for. I usually avoid it or remove it from my life. This is what I did in this case, although I considered it to be a compromise and a sacrifice. Many of the Friends from my past, such as Junior High, High School and Junior College have reconnected with me and I with them. Following and communicating with them has brought me much joy and a newfound appreciation for the Friendship and Fellowship we once had. Although, at times I have found myself slipping into a state of melancholy; it is a feeling that I consider natural and expected. Following my Family on Facebook was very important to me. In the years past, (before Facebook) I missed many great events and much news. Facebook has allowed me to become closer to my immediate Family and extended Family alike. I have been able to seek out former Shipmates and Friends from a time very precious in my life. Some would say that most Facebook Friends are just that; not real Friends at all.  I feel differently about that. Many of the people I have re-connected with; I call Friends. Many are of Friendly Foreign Nations and Military Service. It is a pleasure to follow their careers, exploits and significant life events. I truly enjoy viewing the many photos of their Families, Military Operations, and vacations. I find that we, as former and current Military, have much in common.  

As I write this, I am not sure how I must deal with the dilemma that I am faced with. I am deeply troubled and disillusioned.

Today, Sunday, 16 February 2025, as I re-share this previous Blog post, I am still without a Facebook account. 

This is how I started the last week of 2014...

Knowing that I had an up-coming appointment at the VA Clinic for a CT scan, I checked my calendar several times during the day on Sunday. Before going to bed, I set my clock. My appointment was scheduled for 8:30am. After the morning routine of Dog duty, Coffee and Medications for my wife and my-self, I headed out the door. The usual 30-minute drive to the Clinic was only about 20 minutes. There was minimal traffic for a Monday morning. 

Arriving early, I walked up to the Radiology Department window and checked in. As the clerk looked for my name on the scheduled appointment list, I glanced at the calendar next to his desk. 

“You’re not going to find my name on today’s schedule” I told him. “I’m a day early.” 

After a minute of humor between us, he called the Technician and asked if I could be fitted into the morning schedule for a CT scan. The answer was “No.”

The Clerk apologized. I gracefully accepted and remarked that I would return on Tuesday as scheduled.

So… My week has started with a few minutes of lost sleep, the un-necessary cost of gas and tolls and coffee stains on my jeans. Also, the routine of sitting in the back yard with Mr. Coco drinking my coffee was disrupted. Worst of all, I missed some morning cuddle time with my wife.

What will tomorrow bring?